Sex File: Should I tell him about my new vibrator?

Pic: iStock My partner is recovering from prostate cancer, which

Pic: iStock

My partner is recovering from prostate cancer, which obviously put our sex life on the back burner. Without him knowing I bought a vibrator and it has been a revelation. Now we're starting to get things back on track, should I give it up? His ego is still quite fragile.

I don't see why you can't have both. If your partner has not been well he is likely to have less stamina, so anything that ensures you both have a good time without him having to exhaust himself will surely be welcome.

Women often presume that men will feel threatened if a female partner says that she owns a vibrator. It's wrong to assume this.

Studies have shown that not only do men not mind, they are more likely to be impressed - encouraged by the fact that their partner has a healthy libido and is willing to satisfy it independently.

A study of more than 3,000 people by Indiana University tested this theory and found that 70% of men had no problem with their female partner using a vibrator.

A separate study by the same researcher suggested that 45% of men and 53% of women aged 18 to 60 used vibrators together in bed.

Introducing this stimulation is a great way to take the pressure off your partner to bring you to climax. Your chances of having an orgasm, meanwhile, are maximised.

I suggest you make the suggestion, and as long as it's not a definite "no" from him, bring your new toy to the bedroom the next time you want to have sex.

I don't know how old you are, but vibrators are an increasingly essential addition to sex in midlife. Nerve sensation decreases as we age, so most of us require more stimulation the older we get.

The same will be true for your partner (although they are marketed to women, vibrators are very effective at stimulating men too).

The vibrator I highly recommend to women is the Lelo Sona 2 Cruise and you could encourage him to try the sensations, too. It is powerful, but there are different settings, so choose the weakest one to start with.

If he can surrender himself to the experience and relax enough to let the pleasure build, it can only be a good thing.

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Sex File: Should I tell him about my new vibrator?